It’s 2.45pm on a Tuesday.  Not usually a time to be particularly concerned about the goings on on the pitch at McDiarmid Park.

But I’m not in the British Summer Time zone.  I’ve gone slightly mad and transported myself 4000+ miles to Orlando Florida.  2.45pm here is 7.45pm in Perth.

And it isn’t any Tuesday – it’s Tuesday March 30 2010.  A date that may well go down in Saints history and folklore alongside, for example, January 1 1997.  You may remember the famous result from that day – St Johnstone 7-2 Dundee respectively.

Disney's Animal Kingdom - Home to lions, elephants and Saints fans.

2.56pm arrives.  I’m wandering around Disney’s Animal Kingdom.  I’m sweating – and not just from the 25 degree Celsius heat.  Nope, I’ve just felt my phone buzz – Saints are playing Rangers, there are seven minutes gone – and I know the only person likely to text me is my Dundee United supporting friend who I asked to keep me updated.

I read the message fearing the worst.

It reads: “Saints 1-0 Rankgers. Sheridan.”

I pause, smirk a bit, nudge my good woman who is beside me and show her. She reacts with a similar disbelief.

Moments later another message: “Saints 2-0 Rankgers. Millar.”

Now I’m suspicious.  The guy texting me is an Arab.  He knows I’m in a foreign country, in a theme park with no internet access, and probably knows no-one else is updating me witht he score.  Is it a wind up?  After all, only 20 minutes earlier this guy had sent me a text with the Saints and Rangers team – the visitors apparently lining up only with ten men, with Boyd mysteriously missing.

But then Papac apparently pulls one back – so maybe its not a joke, and the nerves are jangling as I join a near glacial queue just to buy an ice cream.

Then another buzz – another text.  “Saints 3-1 Rankgers. Craig.”

Surely not.  Come on now. Behave.  3-1, and five minutes til half time?  No replies to texts, no-one answering calls.  This has to be a wind up.

I go on to the Kilamanjaro Safari tour.  But can I concentrate on the animals or the invented “poachers in the park” story line?  Don’t be ridiculous.  We are allegedly 3-1 up on Rangers.  I’m hoping this is true – I may commit murder if its not.

Saints 4-1 Rangers. © McD

Then another text – “Saints 4-1 Rankgers. Davidson.”  COME ON!  This is emphatic.  But is it true?

I finally get through on a phone call to the guy sitting in my seat – East Stand, M26 – and I can hear the excitement in his voice.  Its real. We have just pumped Rangers – top of the league and running away with the title – by four goals to one.  One of the best results in our Premier League history, and I’ve missed it.

Magic moments for the lucky few thousand in the Saints end at McDiarmid.  A game that will never be forgotten.  Luckily for me I’ve managed to see Cillian’s stunning volley, Chris’s strike (I’m sure he meant for it to cannon off of Weir’s head), Liam’s header and Murray’s sliding finish on a dubious Spanish stream.

It doesn’t quite make up for not being there, but I’ll still never forget where I was when we took that four goal lead.  If only I had been there….

Luckily for me I’m only a part-time exile – I’ll be back in time for the Aberdeen match.  But by God its a killer.  The We Are Perth Forum is home to members across the globe – Singapore to New Zealand, Australia to Canada and beyond.  I sure as hell couldn’t follow the matches online.  And I certainly couldn’t spend another afternoon walking through a vastly overcrowded theme park while Saints put in an all-time great performance, with my only link being a Dundee United fan sending me very, very, very occasional updates.