To be sure it's true!

[StDuncM]

As I work in the health service and I am off to Ireland in a couple of weeks I thought you might like this! Some are quite subtle, others less so, a lot less so.....

By the way they did come from an executive on a higher level than I. No wonder Sir Nigel resigned

IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY


Artery......................... The study of paintings
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die

Benign......................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section.............. A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her
Colic.......................... A sheep dog
Coma........................... A punctuation mark
Dilate......................... To live long
Enema.......................... Not a friend
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else
Fibula......................... A small lie
Impotent....................... Distinguished, well known
LabourPain..................... Getting hurt at work
Medical staff.................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid......................... A higher offer
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates
Node........................... I knew it
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative................. A letter carrier
Recovery Room................. Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him
Secretion...................... Hiding something
Seizure........................ Roman Emperor
Tablet......................... A small table
Terminal Illness............... Getting sick at the airport
Tumour..........................One plus one more
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out

[StDuncM]

The problems we face working in primary Health Care .

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the
side of a deserted road in the Highlands. Suddenly, a brand new bright
Red Porsche 911 appears and screeches to a halt beside him.

The driver, a woman wearing a Chanel suit, Ray Bans and a Cartier
watch, steps out and asks the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep
you have can I keep one?". The shepherd looks at the large flock and
says 'Okay'.

The woman connects a laptop to a mobile phone fax, enters the NASA
website, scans the field using GPS, opens a database linked to 60
Excel files with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150
page report on a high tech mini printer. She studies the report and
says to the shepherd "You have exactly 1,586 sheep".

The shepherd replies "That's correct. You can have the pick of my
flock". The woman packs away her equipment, looks at the flock and puts
one in the boot of her Porsche.

As she is about to leave the shepherd says "If I can guess your
profession will you return the animal to me?" The woman thinks for a
moment, then agrees. The shepherd says "You are a Health Service Primary Care Trust Senior Manager".
"Correct" responds the woman, "but how did you know?"

The shepherd replies "Simple, first you came without being invited.
Second, you wasted a lot of time telling me something I already knew.
Third, you don't understand anything about the work I do, but
interfere anyway - Now can I have my dog back?"!!!