Fair Maid Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Due to the eviction at Dale Farm, the travellers have been offered an alternative site at the car park of Rangers Football Club. Furious at the thought of dirty, thieving, in-bred, illiterate tax dodgers living right on their doorstep, the travellers have turned it down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Two nuns in a bath. One says to the other, "where's the soap?". The other one says, "yes it does, doesn't it". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Stop press. Unless reported elsewhere on the site. The Administrators have deemed that Ibrox is to be re named as Inland Revenue Arena. Or I. R. A. for short. Apparently its only Provisional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman enter a bar. The barman says, "is this some kind of joke?". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman enter a bar. The barman says, "is this some kind of joke?". the older they are, the less funny they become. sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wish i was Joe McGurn Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 the older they are, the less funny they become. sorry. Ancientsaint being living proof of this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ancientsaint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Ancientsaint being living proof of this Thats quite good -Well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 My apologies for not meeting your standards. The reference to "jokes" momentarily led me to believe this was about having fun, not about demonstrating one's oneness with the quotidian zeitgeist. What's yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yay fify posts - shouldn't I get some wanky title now? Shouldn't have said that...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ancientsaint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yay fify posts - shouldn't I get some wanky title now? Shouldn't have said that...... Do you work in the biscuit factory ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Do you work in the biscuit factory ? Got you first time Ancient, thought we were gonna have Penguin joke again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Would you like me too, babes? Hic. (memo to self: check dictionary of chat-up lines: new to me) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Errrrr........would you like to see my hob-nobs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 My apologies for not meeting your standards. The reference to "jokes" momentarily led me to believe this was about having fun, not about demonstrating one's oneness with the quotidian zeitgeist. What's yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard. Wtf. you should be having biscuits (as Ancient suggested) with your tea, instead of swallowing a dictionary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 I prefer to take my dictionaries anally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abernethy Saint Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 ANYWAY I walked into a bar yesterday. God, it hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 he'll not save you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOODLUM65 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 I prefer to take my dictionaries anally. As you have probably been told on many occasions, for all the good that they might do you, you would be better sticking them up your ar*e. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stamford Saintee Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Back to the jokes...... The redundancies have started at Ibrox......................... Four Refs and Two linesmen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 The adminiistrators were saying on the lunchtime news that they have stopped all the payments to the highest earners at Ibrox, unfortunately none of the referees concerned were available for comment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wish i was Joe McGurn Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 Bloke walks into WHSmiths & says "Do you have that self help book for men with small cocks?" Female asst replies "I don't think it's in yet" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANDY5565 Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 bet you have heard that one before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilgour Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 On hearing that one of The Monkees had died,John Terry replied Oh Evra or Ferdinand ! (allegedly) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myDarlingBeefeater Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 The wife just told me Davy Jones died. I though she was joking. Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bereaver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wish i was Joe McGurn Posted March 12, 2012 Report Share Posted March 12, 2012 A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Dundee but I worked both sides of the river Tay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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